Toxic Positivity: Why “Just Stay Positive” Can Be Harmful

Imagine that you have been going through a bad phase in life, and you share your thoughts and emotions with the people you love and trust the most, expecting some support and solutions, but instead you are told that "you are just overreacting; it could have been worse" or "think positive; you are very negative." All these statements make you feel unheard, invalidated, and more lonely. Sounds familiar? We have all come across such a situation at least once in our lives.

Have you ever felt guilty for being sad or worried about a situation?

Most of the time we are pressurized to stay happy or positive even when we are struggling, though being optimistic is healthy, but suppressing difficult emotions is not.

This is what we psychologists describe as "toxic positivity."

There is a saying by Carl Jung: “There is no light without shadow, and no psychic wholeness without imperfection.” which meant that you have to embrace both the parts of your life, the positives as well as negatives. Both positive and negative aspects are essential for true psychological growth and wholeness, but in today's times we are bombarded with quotes such as "good vibes only and "just think positive." What if this mentality is causing more harm than good?

Individuals who suppress negative emotions had higher levels of psychological distress and lower social well-being. This is because if we look at it from a neuroscientific angle, our brain has the ability to process both positive and negative emotions in order to maintain a balance, but when we suppress the negative emotions, our amygdala (fear center) activates, causing a greater release of the stress hormone cortisol, and over a long period of time this can cause anxiety, depression, and an increase in physical health issues as well

There is a very thin line between optimism & toxic positivity. The characteristics of toxic positivity are ignoring reality and difficult emotions while being forced to be happy and optimistic. It encourages you to acknowledge the current challenges but have a hopeful mindset and work towards a positive outcome. People who are overly positive often suppress their negative emotions and might find it difficult to understand and be empathetic towards the problems their loved ones might be facing, whereas optimistic people accept the challenges and the negative emotions attached to these situations; they are more empathetic towards others in difficult situations and encourage them to be hopeful as well as allow them a safe, non-judgmental space to release their thoughts and feelings.

How to replace toxic positivity with optimism?

1. Acceptance—Instead of telling yourself or others "don't be sad," it's better to say "it's totally okay to feel this way" because ignoring difficult emotions won't make them go away; in fact, acknowledging them can help in better emotional processing.

2. Allowing space for both the negative and positive—Instead of saying "everything happens for a reason," it's better to say "this is really difficult; let's take one step at a time," as it can encourage us or others to take action towards whatever problem is causing us to feel this way. If we do not accept that something is causing us discomfort, we wouldn't take any steps to make this situation better.

3. Using more of "yes" than "" but"—Telling someone "you lost your job, but you are healthy" dismisses the emotions instead of saying "you lost your job, and it's difficult; let's think about the next steps we can take to find a new one based on your skills and expertise." The presence of "and" validates the emotions and feelings.

To conclude, though toxic positivity is well-intended but can do more harm than good, being optimistic and taking actions accordingly to face difficult situations or emotions can help in becoming resilient and emotionally strong. True positivity is about embracing all emotions with honesty and self-compassion. Life isn’t meant to be a constant pursuit of happiness at the cost of suppressing struggles. Instead of forcing a smile through hardships, let’s create space for genuine emotions, open conversations, and real healing.

So, the next time someone says, “Just stay positive,” remind yourself: You don’t have to be positive all the time to be strong. Strength lies in feeling, processing, and moving forward at your own pace.